"Today's game between the Felwood Larks and the Tumbledown Madmen is just about kickoff. It's been a hell of a week so far, with coach Tom Underwood laying into his former apprentice coach Leroy Harkins. It's certainly set the tone for the coming match up, these two teams hate each other more than the coaches do!"
"That's right Houghtavious, Tumbledown coach Underwood was quoted as saying the Larks didn't belong in the Primaries, even going so far as to imply Harkins had bought their spot."
"The League was awfully quiet about that, makes you wonder if there's any truth to it."
"Oh, let's stop that nonsense right now Hough, The League would never steep to that level their not the Federal Inquisitors Football Academy! The League pride's itself on it's reputation and integrity!"
"You're right there Barkevicious, plus we would never be caught spreading rumors here at Excellent Sounding People News!"
"Indeed, Oh look! The two teams are taking to the pitch, the Madmen being led out by their captain, Middle Linebacker Gregor Dragonbane, the seven foot, four hounded pound Minotaur from the DreadMountains has been leading the Madmen for near twenty years now!"
"Yes, and I'll tell you what Bark, I had the chance to talk to Gregor earlier in the week about this matchup and he told me he's had this game circled since their loss to the Lark's last season! He said he was out for blood and that we should be ready too see heads roll! This is an excellent Linebacker, he's everything you look for, he's got size, strength, speed, and he'll knock the heads off anyone who tries to run it his way. Back in my day we'd call him the Headsmen, and we'd be sure to gameplan away from him. Let's just see what the Larks have drawn up today."
"And here come the Larks now, being led to the field by their captain Enae's Flora, the team's Quarter Back from the Golden Forest. A long way from home now isn't she."
"Yes, and let me tell you what Bark, I got the chance to interview Enae when she was drafted by the Larks and she's real smart, she's got what we called football smarts. She's going to be real good in the league, a real bright spot for the Larks this season. She's not the biggest, the strongest, or the fastest, but she's got that it, she goes' those smarts. She's got a real chance to bring the Vulk populace into The League. As you know their own league, the Canine Football League, has been gaining in popularity among the Vulk Tribes and Enae is likely going to pull in some of that viewership to The League. If she does well in her transition it wouldn't surprise me to see more Vulk being drafted."
"We'll go to the field now to hear Referee Gohan Brown with the call, it appears the Madmen have won the toss and elected to receive the ball. the Larks choosing to kick into the wind this quarter. Returner Heruth back for the Madmen he's returned a league leading three kick-offs for touchdowns."
"I really like this Heruth guy, we talked to him after the Championship last season after his big game with two kick returns for TDs and he was humble and wanted to heap all the credit onto this special teams' coach and blockers. He reminds me of a young Lionheart, this Loen can run and when he gets into the open field there isn't anyone who can catch him!"
"Fedrik with the kick, it's a long boom kick but Heruth fields it in the endzone for the touchback."
"That Fedrick has a leg there Bark, That's why I call him The Leg."
"The Madmen's offense takes the field, Quarterback Timmy Longfingers under center, Two wide, two in the back field, tight end lined up on the left. It's a hand-off to star running back Velk Longtooth, his line opened a whole on the left and he's made the linebacker miss. Tackled by third year player Yohen."
"That was a real strong run there, that's what this offense is going to look to do. Tire out the Larks with my man Longtooth just pounding it to them all day long. Look at this first contact by Lark's End Killmen, He just plows through the four arms of that monstrous Haddi right there without losing any speed. Real strong runner there."
"2nd and less than one for the Madmen, Longfingers under center again, two split out to the right, tight end opposite, two in the backfield. It's a handoff right to Longtooth, this time he's smothered in the backfield."
"That's a great play right there, that's a veteran play. Look at Mountainson moving up in anticipation of the run and then just runs over the right guard! That Minotaur is hard to slow down when he starts moving. If your Longfingers, you've got to see this at the line and change the play."
"Third and a little over two for the Madmen, Longfingers back in the Longbow, Longtooth next to him, three wide two on the right one on the left with the Tight End. The snap and Longfingers fires a quick pass over to the right complete to Williams, the six foot human from Solace, before being planted by Mountainson. Williams is slow to get up but he's being subbed off for fullback Haverfest.
"Mountainson again with a great play, he's not as well known as Dragonbane, playing for a small county team like the Larks, but let me tell you he's a great player. That combination of size and strength is hard to come by and the Larks have set themselves up long term with this Haddi right here. Just look at him get three arms on Williams and then hurl him into the ground. I'm surprised Williams held on to the ball. Good play right there on back to back downs by Mountainson getting the Lark's defense off the field."
"The Madmen's Kicker Sounders is out there, it's a tall kick and it arcs out of bounds near the 30, Enae and the Lark's offense to take the field when we come back."
"Great defensive series by the Lark's right there, setting the tone for this game with two solid tackles by Mountainson, I tell you, the Madmen are going to have to block him if they want to get any semblance of a running game going."
"The Lark's offense takes the field now at their own thirty one, Enae back in the Longbow, runner to each side, two wide receivers split even, tight end Daniels lined up on the right. The ball is snapped, Enae drops back, looks right and shoots the ball on a line over to the left. Caught by Feor Reddard for a first down and a gain of twenty three."
"That was a great throw right there, this is what Enae was doing during her time with the Canine League. Great arm, great accuracy, she might just be the most accurate passer in the league."
"The Lark's offense lines up on the Madmen's 46th yardline. Enae in the Longbow, runner to her left, tightend on the right, two receivers on the right, Reddard on the left. The Madmen's defense has arranged themselves in a fifty-two, three corners down, Safety Faithsworn lined up deep. Ball is snapped, Enae fakes to Goldbloom, looks right passes right, complete to Daniels for a gain of seven. Brought down by Dragonbane."
"Dragonbane just levels him on this route! I don't know how Daniels held on to the ball even with four hands! That Minotaur can run I tell you, Dragonbane starts dropping in to coverage and as soon as he sees Daniels breaking right he's flying over there for the tackle. Daniels' is lucky he kept his head."
"It looks like ref Brown is cautioning Dragonbane against the aggressive hit, perhaps Brown heard Gregor's claim of head rolling and is looking to preemptively stop the headhunting."
"Ahh, Let them play Gohan! Back in my day you were hit in the head or you were hit in the knees! None of this body tackling. Why tackle a guy all day when you could take him out on the first play! Times have really changed, all these humans in the league forcing the league to soften its stance on violence. I say if they're too fragile to play, Don't Play Em!"
--Chuckles from Barkevicious--
"Lark's offense lining up on the Madmen's 39 yard line, second and three to go. Enae in the longbow, runner on the left, Daniels on the right with two receivers, Reddard on the left. The Madmen retain their patented 5-2 formation. The ball is snapped, Enae looks right, Dragonbane barely down on her on a charge! Looks left, passes left, way down field, Reddard catches it! Touch Down Larks! Enae is down on the field and she's not moving."
"She was hit hard by Dragonbane after the throw, Dragonbane came free through the center of the line on a charge, ran through runner Goldbloom whose got to do a better job there, and absolutely destroyed Enae while she was in her throwing motion. This is what he said he was going to do today, it may be a touchdown for the Larks but Enae is down and might be done for the day."
"Referee Brown is busy clearing a scuffle, looks like tackle Stoneson has taken exception to Dragonbane's hit on Enae."
"I tell you what, Stoneson is not someone I'd want to be in a fight against. That's near eight feet and five hundred pounds of muscle right there. Look at those four arms! Their near as thick as Enae! Dragonbane is still getting after it, yapping going back and forth between the two teams. They really hate each other and that's what great about these match ups!"
"It looks like they're bringing out the priests for Enae, see if they can't get her patched up. We'll be back with news for you on Enae's injury after a brief message from our sponsors."
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